I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
your room smells of hookers.
And success
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
