Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
