I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
