I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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