i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
