dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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