Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
