I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
