she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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