My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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