are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
