I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
