Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
