I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
