nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We just shotgunned beers for America
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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