Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
