I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
