i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
