i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
