then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
