You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
