FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
