Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
