i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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