there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
its liver damage thursday
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
