oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
