69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
