Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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