I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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