Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
are you so shy because you have an std?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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