oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
