if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
