I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
