Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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