Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
