So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
