That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Come see our sink grown plant.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
