I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
