doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
