How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
