My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
