well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
