Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
