just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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