Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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