Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
