guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
