i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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