i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
