im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
